Hyperfixation...

Hyperfixation - an article I read on The Mighty dealt with Hyperfixation.  WTF is Hyperfixation?  It sounded appealing...

Lord-y be... I have such a love/hate relationship with labels. I feel that they divide people from the one true label "HUMAN," yet at the same time, I feel that they often give me a sense of understanding - not only for the world around me but for myself.

Take Hyperfixation for example. 

The short of it... it's me! 

The long of it... it's me!

I've never been teased - in a bullying sense - for my fixation on the many things I tend to obsess about, however, there is always that "things that make you go HM!" vibe I get from some people when I disappear to Amphipolis, or Pan-Am, or inside the TARDIS, and -of late- Stars Hollow. 

The obsessions run deep...

Was I depressed in HS when I decided my entire life would revolve around school, color guard, and Xena?! Perhaps. If I look back, most of my time was spent doing these 3 things. 

I didn't have the greatest friends (despite some of you being pure gold), I felt like I was walked on often, I never felt comfortable in my own skin, and I did everything I could to escape my reality.  Just a normal teen, right?!?!

Color guard was a place where I had power to be honest. I tried out for CG Capt. my Freshman year - that took balls! - having never before touched a flag. I didn't get it, and for good reason, but that is where my eyes were set! I ended up Capt. my Junior and Senior years.  #power  I absolutely LOVED CG. I was surrounded by amazing girls, my best friend, and we even welcomed some middle schoolers onto our team.  It was such a blessing to have this team during HS, when most of life is total Bullshit!

Xena was my escape for when I wasn't allowed to be at school or CG. I literally traveled ancient Greece and other ancient worlds with Xena and Gabrielle everyday, for years! I would come home and watch my VHS recorded tapes 😲 - yeah, let that sink in - on weekends it was a Friday night Herc and Xena double feature on the WB, Saturday, well don't you know I got my girl at noon AND 8pm! Then Sunday, you guested it, noon again! Xena was my very best friend. And embarrassing enough, when I met Lucy Lawless, I told her that. 😝

Senior year, my real life best friend and I started hanging out more. A car of my own helped in this area, and Xena was coming to an end. It seemed time to move on.  Enter, Nicole Kidman... Moulin Rouge was my hook.  After that, every movie was a MUST SEE!

Sadly, after graduation, rebellion is what I decided to focus on - I do NOT recommend this to anyone.  Drugs, Alcohol, Disobeying and BREAKING the heart of my mother became all too familiar.  This was short lived - thank GOD!  By the new year, I was working and trying to find my next move.

ATTENTION!  Yup, I was obsessed with joining the Army.  I signed on for 6 years.  Within my military life I became obsessed with Buffy and Dido while fighting in Iraq.  There was a toxic relationship that lasted 5 years too long (1 day was too long).  Then things turned bad, and I was obsessed with getting home.

The list goes one... 

Partying

Romance Novels by Karen Marie Moaning

The Hunger Games

Doctor Who

Buying books - that I have yet to read, but keep buying more 

Online learning (on-going still)

Gilmore Girls

Does this all play into my coping with depression?  I have NO CLUE!  But it sure does seem to be a - most of the time - healthy way to deal.  Partying and rebelling aside, I love my TV, Movies, and Books.  I love taking online classes to learn a little bit about a lot of things.  I enjoy my obsessions.  And if this is what is keeping my depression and anxiety in check... well, I'm okay with that!