10 May 2017

Single Motherhood is hard. But this is harder...

When Lily's dad and I started dating, it wasn't a 1 guy deal.  He came as a package, and I knew there would soon be another littler man in our lives from day one.  I had to really think about what I was stepping into.  There was a family element in his life already and I needed to me 100% that I wanted to be a part of that. 

I needed to quickly...
  • How to respect the boundaries that the mother put in place
  • How to love and take care of a child that was not mine
  • How to create a home that this little boy could walk into and not only feel welcomed but as though it was HIS
  • How to give Zech and this boy space to develop their relationship

All of this while I was just started a relationship with Zech myself...

I was shocked at how easy it was for me... this role of step-mother.  We all know the stories - Chinderella anyone? - and the last thing I wanted was to be "The Evil Step-Mother."  It's important that children know the people in their lives love them.  This little boy was going to be in our home, he was a part of our lives, and I needed to be a welcomed member into HIS family.

That was the easy part.  Falling in love with this little boy.  Allowing him to steal a piece of my heart for all time, actually brought me great joy.

The tough part?  The tough part is today.  Today I could walk up to this boy and he wouldn't know me.  He may have a vague memory, "oh yeah, that's Lily's mom" - but that's only if he remembers Lily.

For some people, divorce brings peace.  It gives them their identity back and it frees them from a situation they felt trapped in.  For me, divorce has brought me nothing but heartache.  I may have been freed from not-so-good relationship, but I lost my [step]SON. 

It's a little empty when they are gone.  You miss them.  You cry when you think about them, or when someone brings them up.  Luckily,  do still get to hear about him, but it hurts to listen to stories or to hear about events you weren't are won't be a part of.

This little boy still has a piece of my heart.  I just hope that one day, he remembers it's there and smiles knowing how much he was (IS) loved!!


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