30 August 2017

Once Upon A Time...

From fitness coach to not giving a F*&%-ish

As I read a FB post by a friend (check out her page Fit Mom Strong Mom)... I read how she, once upon a time, trained and ate so strictly, it drove her to binge eating.  Now that is a scary thought.  It reminded me a little bit of myself.

No, I've never trained for a Fitness Competition like she.
No, I didn't hold myself to an un-achievable diet.
Yes, I did notice a little binge eating.

I noticed that the more I tried to "eat clean" or "change my lifestyle," the more I wanted the junk.  AND I ATE IT!

Does this happened to you?

If you've read my blog or followed me on Facebook then you may know that I "fall off the wagon" often.  My once upon a time story holds me to a military standard.  I ran 5 miles almost every other day and everyday included some form of physical training (workout).  There were ruck marches, brigade/company "runs" (aka, shuffles).  Most work travel was walking since I worked in an automation help center and needed to travel to the computers needing my help.  I'll admit, I didn't do much on my own time, but I did enough on the job to keep me fit and healthy...


Ever hear that saying, "I wish I was as fat now as I was when I first thought I was fat."  Or something like that.

Basically, we get it in our heads at some point that we are "fat."  Who determines that?  Our peers and the media usually.

Ask yourself a few questions:
Are you happy?
Are you healthy (by a doctor's standard)?
Do you like the shape of your body?

I really think it's that simple...

I fell of the wagon HARD in November/December.  I weighed in at 147 and thought, "eh, I'm good."   I just didn't want to keep up this new lifestyle I made for myself and I wanted to enjoy Christmas with my daughter the way I enjoyed it as a child.   So I did!

Again, I fell off the wagon this summer.  I weighed in at 153.  My daughter got to travel to her first National Dance Competition, she was home all summer since she was a year old, and she had friends we could do things with.  I wanted to take it all in.  Have a "normal" summer.  So I did!

*No I don't have my current weight, LOL!*

I'm not saying that having 3 burgers a week (like I did last week) is that way to live your life.  But I noticed in my life that the more I denied myself the foods I really wanted, the more I craved them.  Hence 3 burgers (BBQ Bacon Burgers) in 1 week!

If I answered the questions I posted above....
I am SOOOOOO Happy!
I am not 100% healthy.  I have some iron issues that I trying to combat, recently.
I do not like the shape of my body.

My solution...  quit focusing on these strict "deny deny deny" diets... "diets" don't work... and find a way to include my favorite foods (yes Burgers!) into a healthier regime of eating.  Learn how to season food that may be a little on the blander side.  And eat things I already like - I don't like squash, but I have grown to enjoy peppers.

We are stronger than junk food!  We can teach ourselves how to eat well & enjoy the food we love.

27 July 2017

My daughter has a monster... This monster.

The "2 headed monster says it's raining."

This sentence puts Lily in to a tizzy. Tears and fear take over her face faster than I can blink.

As adults, we giggle under our breathe; we think this fear is adorable b/c, 9 times our of 10, it's irrational.

As adults we also have fears... fears we face at times when we do not want to push said fears onto our children.

But what about the fears that our tiny ones just can't fathom?! The monsters that try to control us?

My monster isn't as cute as these purple Sesame Street friends... No! My monster is small but demands it's presence be known. It's dark, but will smile always, to fool you...a trickster. My monster is beautiful; you'd never expect it to be anything but pleasant. My monster is attacks me almost daily.

Today, I drug (dragged? drugged?)... Today I brought Lily all over God's creation because my monster took control.

Lily was so good today. I was about 1/8 present with her today, and she did a wonderful job of keeping herself busy - and sort of out of my way. She saw her mom walking around mostly like a Zombie. She saw me sad/frowning... Resting Bitch Face to the max! IDK what she was thinking, but she successfully helped make our day easy. Whether she meant to or not.

We all have monsters... some worse than others. They can take over our lives. The most resilient will brush it off; those of us less resilient, have a much ore difficult path.

But I have learned that this...

My monster may take over my day. The black cloud follows me and I find peace the negativity while "I'm in it."


I see the positive pockets of times I was blessed with. The moments when God said, "Not now Satan!"

My daughter and I still laughed today. We spent time together without electronics. We hit the park, lunch out, and the beach all in one day. I see the blessings and as I settle down for the evening, dream through the night, and prepare to rise tomorrow morning, I reflect on THAT!

The blessings.

It SUCKS when negative things take control... but LOOK FOR THE GOOD!

There is always something good in everyday.


20 June 2017

Depression, Laziness, Bad Habits. What can be done to change?

Depression: noun. feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
           Despondency: noun. a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope or courage.
           Dejection: noun. a sad and depressed state; low spirits.

Lazy: adjective. unwilling to work or use energy.

Habit: noun. a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

I often wonder if my typical low energy is caused by my Depression or if I just have Lazy, Bad Habits.  How can we tell?!

I often WANT to do things, and find myself getting out of them.  Usually if the event, task, etc. doesn't have to do with my daughter, I will shy away from it.  I'll escape into her world, or into television if she's not around. 

The desire to do things without the motivation to take action is often used to describe depression.  Wanting to get out of bed in the morning and physically unable to lift your head is depression.  I can't say that I have ever experiences this particular result of depression, but I know many who have.  The desire is there, but the action is taken.

Being lazy is simply just not wanting to take action.  The physical ability is there, but the will is lost.  Will power is a tricky thing.  I believe we can develop an overwhelming sense of laziness through our depression, causing us to develop Bad Habits.

Daily, I will wake up with hope.  I'll have tasks I want to complete, and plan for my day.  Within hours, my brain get foggy, my forgetfulness takes over, and by the time I drop my daughter at school, I'm a blank slate.

I've tried calendars, planners, to-do lists, apps that are made to "organize your life," and honestly I forget to even check these helpful tools, so my mind stays blank.  I get frustrated.  Like REALLY frustrated, because I know I wanted to do something.  I wrote it down somewhere, but my mind doesn't make the connection to pick up my planner.

I'm currently working with the Smart Life Push Journal.  I love this journal!  It tracks my goals, helps me organize how to achieve them, I track my sleep, fitness, nutrition, and water intake.  If I could just remember to look at it!  Once I finally notice my journal and take a look at it, there is the challenge of what small steps I can take today to get myself life where I want it tomorrow. 

It's the How...  I am always reading, "don't worry about the how, just start doing." 

I find this to be great advice!  TAKE ACTION!  It's smart...  But in all actuality, without the How, how do I know what actions to take?!

Vicious Circle anyone...

The way I see it is that I will never "Cure" my depression, so I have to start with the bad habits.  For example, prior to writing this blog, I ate a large amount of chocolate frosted brownies. 

~Not part of my meal plan
~Not good for the fitness results I have for myself
~Not what I wanted to do
~Done with absolutely NO though process

It's just a bad habit...which catapults me into laziness (because, blah!)...which catapults me into loads of self-hate...which catapults me into depression (because, why do I do this?!).

Let's do this together.  Whether you suffer with depression or not, we all have bad habits.

Start Small:
Pick a habit you would like to change.  Work on changing that habit alone until you no longer have said habit, or until you've replaced it with a better habit.

I'll be working on my task list.  I have a reminder (with alarm) on my phone to remind me to look at my Journal once every hour.  I'll begin my day by writing down all of my idea as soon as I wake up.  This will mean waking up before my daughter, so that my mind can focus on ME and what I need to accomplish.

In 30 days I'll revisit this blog... I wonder what the results will be. 

What about you?  What habit will you be changing and where will you be in 30 days?  I'd love to know, so comment below!
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