How many Hours have you lost?!?!

Tick Tock goes the clock...

Hours go by and we literally have NO IDEA what we just did!!  I fall into this trap often.  My sight goes wonky, and my brain feels fuzzy...

Has this happened you??

I've spent the past 14 hours on the computer working... or have I?

To be honest, about 4 hours were probably spent working and the rest... lost between the computer, the phone, and TV.  It's just makes you feel awful.

So what do we do about it!?  How can we slay-at-home mama ensure that we don't fall into this trap too often?

1. Planners - Not my forte but it's something to try!  I can tell you, when I have used a planner, I have been more productive in my day.  The only down side was having to outline each day...  which brings me to...

2. To-Do lists - But more than this, it's like a schedule.  I have been in several online businesses and each calls for a certain lingo, a certain type of schedule, and a certain consistent feel... so with each business I'd find a to-do list/schedule that worked best for me.  And a lot of the time, crafty team members are right there handing the beautifully designed documents out for free!  Because #sisterhood #bossbabes!  We help each other, it's why Direct Sales is so f'n badass!!

OR

3. Regular To-do lists - If you can just jot some ish down on paper and go to town killin' it at your business, allow me to praise you now!  I'm the girl who's loosing the to-do list 3 minutes after she writes it because it was on the post it that I didn't see get stuck to my daughters book bag... I don't know how it happened either!  But power to you girlfriend if this is your focus route!

4. Apps!  Yes, there are even apps that can get you organized and not he straight 'n' arrow (straight and narrow... how does that saying go anyway?).   There's Notes, Reminder, Wunderlist, Calendar (of any kind), and so much more!

But what goo are any of these if you don't know what to write down?!

Right now, I can honestly say, my brain is full!  I need to do a brain dump... 

Yes a BRAIN DUMP.  

I need to get all the crap I am thinking about on to paper and out of my head!  START HERE!  Then once all the clutter is out of your head and on the paper, start to break it down.  What is your priority?  Business wise... not party wise!  List everything from "most important" to "this can wait."

Next, take the top 3 priorities and break those down too.  How many micro steps can you create to make the big bad scary task seem small and doable?!

Then, EXECUTE!  Get to work!  Priority 1-3, and if you have time, start knocking off 4-30...

Have a Priority for every day, and work your way down the list... but don't ever expect to have it all done!  Nope, the list will be added to each day, just as more things will be crossed off the list!  It's an ongoing master list of all you need to accomplish to have a successful business!

So get to it!  Action is the way to your Dreams.

A New Day! A New Adventure!

Contact Katie at katieajessup@gmail.com

-OR-

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Once Upon A Time...

From fitness coach to not giving a F*&%-ish

As I read a FB post by a friend (check out her page Fit Mom Strong Mom)... I read how she, once upon a time, trained and ate so strictly, it drove her to binge eating.  Now that is a scary thought.  It reminded me a little bit of myself.

No, I've never trained for a Fitness Competition like she.
No, I didn't hold myself to an un-achievable diet.
Yes, I did notice a little binge eating.

I noticed that the more I tried to "eat clean" or "change my lifestyle," the more I wanted the junk.  AND I ATE IT!

Does this happened to you?

If you've read my blog or followed me on Facebook then you may know that I "fall off the wagon" often.  My once upon a time story holds me to a military standard.  I ran 5 miles almost every other day and everyday included some form of physical training (workout).  There were ruck marches, brigade/company "runs" (aka, shuffles).  Most work travel was walking since I worked in an automation help center and needed to travel to the computers needing my help.  I'll admit, I didn't do much on my own time, but I did enough on the job to keep me fit and healthy...

AND I THOUGHT I WAS FAT!

Ever hear that saying, "I wish I was as fat now as I was when I first thought I was fat."  Or something like that.

Basically, we get it in our heads at some point that we are "fat."  Who determines that?  Our peers and the media usually.

Ask yourself a few questions:
Are you happy?
Are you healthy (by a doctor's standard)?
Do you like the shape of your body?

I really think it's that simple...

I fell of the wagon HARD in November/December.  I weighed in at 147 and thought, "eh, I'm good."   I just didn't want to keep up this new lifestyle I made for myself and I wanted to enjoy Christmas with my daughter the way I enjoyed it as a child.   So I did!

Again, I fell off the wagon this summer.  I weighed in at 153.  My daughter got to travel to her first National Dance Competition, she was home all summer since she was a year old, and she had friends we could do things with.  I wanted to take it all in.  Have a "normal" summer.  So I did!

*No I don't have my current weight, LOL!*

I'm not saying that having 3 burgers a week (like I did last week) is that way to live your life.  But I noticed in my life that the more I denied myself the foods I really wanted, the more I craved them.  Hence 3 burgers (BBQ Bacon Burgers) in 1 week!

If I answered the questions I posted above....
I am SOOOOOO Happy!
I am not 100% healthy.  I have some iron issues that I trying to combat, recently.
I do not like the shape of my body.

My solution...  quit focusing on these strict "deny deny deny" diets... "diets" don't work... and find a way to include my favorite foods (yes Burgers!) into a healthier regime of eating.  Learn how to season food that may be a little on the blander side.  And eat things I already like - I don't like squash, but I have grown to enjoy peppers.

We are stronger than junk food!  We can teach ourselves how to eat well & enjoy the food we love.

My daughter has a monster... This monster.

The "2 headed monster says it's raining."

This sentence puts Lily in to a tizzy. Tears and fear take over her face faster than I can blink.

As adults, we giggle under our breathe; we think this fear is adorable b/c, 9 times our of 10, it's irrational.

As adults we also have fears... fears we face at times when we do not want to push said fears onto our children.

But what about the fears that our tiny ones just can't fathom?! The monsters that try to control us?

My monster isn't as cute as these purple Sesame Street friends... No! My monster is small but demands it's presence be known. It's dark, but will smile always, to fool you...a trickster. My monster is beautiful; you'd never expect it to be anything but pleasant. My monster is attacks me almost daily.

Today, I drug (dragged? drugged?)... Today I brought Lily all over God's creation because my monster took control.

Lily was so good today. I was about 1/8 present with her today, and she did a wonderful job of keeping herself busy - and sort of out of my way. She saw her mom walking around mostly like a Zombie. She saw me sad/frowning... Resting Bitch Face to the max! IDK what she was thinking, but she successfully helped make our day easy. Whether she meant to or not.

We all have monsters... some worse than others. They can take over our lives. The most resilient will brush it off; those of us less resilient, have a much ore difficult path.

But I have learned that this...

My monster may take over my day. The black cloud follows me and I find peace the negativity while "I'm in it."

HOWEVER!

I see the positive pockets of times I was blessed with. The moments when God said, "Not now Satan!"

My daughter and I still laughed today. We spent time together without electronics. We hit the park, lunch out, and the beach all in one day. I see the blessings and as I settle down for the evening, dream through the night, and prepare to rise tomorrow morning, I reflect on THAT!

The blessings.

It SUCKS when negative things take control... but LOOK FOR THE GOOD!

There is always something good in everyday.

ALWAYS!! <3

Depression, Laziness, Bad Habits. What can be done to change?

Depression: noun. feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
           Despondency: noun. a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope or courage.
           Dejection: noun. a sad and depressed state; low spirits.

Lazy: adjective. unwilling to work or use energy.

Habit: noun. a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.


I often wonder if my typical low energy is caused by my Depression or if I just have Lazy, Bad Habits.  How can we tell?!

I often WANT to do things, and find myself getting out of them.  Usually if the event, task, etc. doesn't have to do with my daughter, I will shy away from it.  I'll escape into her world, or into television if she's not around. 

The desire to do things without the motivation to take action is often used to describe depression.  Wanting to get out of bed in the morning and physically unable to lift your head is depression.  I can't say that I have ever experiences this particular result of depression, but I know many who have.  The desire is there, but the action is taken.

Being lazy is simply just not wanting to take action.  The physical ability is there, but the will is lost.  Will power is a tricky thing.  I believe we can develop an overwhelming sense of laziness through our depression, causing us to develop Bad Habits.

Daily, I will wake up with hope.  I'll have tasks I want to complete, and plan for my day.  Within hours, my brain get foggy, my forgetfulness takes over, and by the time I drop my daughter at school, I'm a blank slate.

I've tried calendars, planners, to-do lists, apps that are made to "organize your life," and honestly I forget to even check these helpful tools, so my mind stays blank.  I get frustrated.  Like REALLY frustrated, because I know I wanted to do something.  I wrote it down somewhere, but my mind doesn't make the connection to pick up my planner.

I'm currently working with the Smart Life Push Journal.  I love this journal!  It tracks my goals, helps me organize how to achieve them, I track my sleep, fitness, nutrition, and water intake.  If I could just remember to look at it!  Once I finally notice my journal and take a look at it, there is the challenge of what small steps I can take today to get myself life where I want it tomorrow. 

It's the How...  I am always reading, "don't worry about the how, just start doing." 

I find this to be great advice!  TAKE ACTION!  It's smart...  But in all actuality, without the How, how do I know what actions to take?!

Vicious Circle anyone...

The way I see it is that I will never "Cure" my depression, so I have to start with the bad habits.  For example, prior to writing this blog, I ate a large amount of chocolate frosted brownies. 

~Not part of my meal plan
~Not good for the fitness results I have for myself
~Not what I wanted to do
~Done with absolutely NO though process

It's just a bad habit...which catapults me into laziness (because, blah!)...which catapults me into loads of self-hate...which catapults me into depression (because, why do I do this?!).

Let's do this together.  Whether you suffer with depression or not, we all have bad habits.

Start Small:
Pick a habit you would like to change.  Work on changing that habit alone until you no longer have said habit, or until you've replaced it with a better habit.

I'll be working on my task list.  I have a reminder (with alarm) on my phone to remind me to look at my Journal once every hour.  I'll begin my day by writing down all of my idea as soon as I wake up.  This will mean waking up before my daughter, so that my mind can focus on ME and what I need to accomplish.

In 30 days I'll revisit this blog... I wonder what the results will be. 

What about you?  What habit will you be changing and where will you be in 30 days?  I'd love to know, so comment below!

Long Distance Co-parenting & What Makes It Harder

You may want to pull your hair out.  You may want to scream.  You may want to curse.  You may even want to cause physical pain to the other person - BUT WE DON'T... Not ever, because - BAD!

But being a single mom is hard.  Being a single mom who's ex chose to live 15 hours away is harder.  Being a single mom who wants to give their child the benefit of the very large family she has - yet  lives so far away - but can't because bills and adulting happens daily, is the hardest. 

However tough these things may be, they can, and often are, dealt with in the best way possible by the parents.

Long distance co-parenting is the biggest challenge I've ever faced.  I see the desire in my child's eyes to have her Daddy close by, to hang out with her Big Brother, and to play with her cousins.  Our family here is smaller... MUCH smaller... and the cousins that Lily could play with from my side of the family live even farther away than her Dad does.

I count on my friends who have children and Lily's dance studio to include us in the fun they have so that Lily isn't stuck with just me all the time.   Day-school has been a blessing since it gives Lily time to interact with lots of children her own age, some a year older or younger, but very close to her age.  I try to fill Lily's life with love and happiness at every turn!  And, thankfully, her father is more than willing to pay for this fun because he also sees how happy it makes his daughter!  (Have I told you Thank You lately?)

Vacations are planned, but have become increasingly difficult to pull together because money, obligations, and school.  I can't just pick up Lily and throw her in the car anymore and go wherever I see fit. 

So, when a family member(s) just can't understand why there hasn't been a visit recently, it throws a dagger right at the heart!  The wave of emotion that floods the nervous system is uncanny.

There's instant Anger, Sadness, Pain, and Loathing. 

Happiness jumps in from time to time b/c "they care..." 

"But do they?"

Guilt. 

A "How dare you" feeling rushes in.

Confusion.

AND total "WTF" moments creep in and out. 

You think, "Do they really believe that I'm not doing everything in my power to get her there?!"

I understand, 90% of the time, any "butt ins" from 3rd party family members are meant with good intentions.  I also understand and have experienced, 90% of the time, any "butt ins" from 3rd party family members are not received with good intentions in mind.  It almost always feels like an attack.  Especially when you rack your brain ALL year to see when all the pieces will fit together.

When the Mom and Dad are so over the top stressed by the situation, an uninvited 3rd party viewpoint is not needed.  Least of all when it's coming from the Ex's side. 

I would never be hurt by my mother suggesting a helpful solution to my problems.  Nor would my Ex be hurt by his mother doing the same for him.  Our respective families are who we turn to when we need help; they love us and care for us.  We know that they are always looking to make our lives better. 

AS WE DO FOR OUR OWN DAUGHTER😉 

It's when the family line is crossed that things can get a little tense.

Don't get me wrong, some families stay extremely united after divorce.  And that is the most beautiful thing I can think of.  But in the circumstance with my Ex and I, our families were never united. 

FLASHBACK:

I was discharged from the Army, and met this handsome Airforce man a few years later.  He was stationed halfway across the country where my extended family lives and I took the opportunity to move there to get to know him and my family better.  Shortly after, God blessed us with a child.  But he and I did not stay together.  Our entire relationship lasted 15 months before I moved my daughter back home.  We struggled to stay together after that - up until this past December.  We finally realized that we were blessed with a child and a friendship, but a relationship/marriage is not what God had intended for us.

Everyday. Is. A. Struggle. E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!

He doesn't get to live with his daughter.  He only gets to hear stories that I tell him, see pictures that I share, and sometimes - if Lily will sit still for 5 minutes - talk on the phone.  His visits here are short, filled with fun, yes, but always ending in tears.  Our visits there (Yes, OUR, my daughter does NOT travel without me!) are what is becoming so hard to manage - Leaving my Ex feeling awful for the lack of connection that is shared between his daughter and his family.

My situation isn't a cake walk either.  I get to see Lily everyday and share in all of her events, but I also have to pick up the pieces of a broken child. I have to teach her to be resilient, though I don't know how to do that.  I have to hold her, sometime multiple times a day while she cries for her Daddy.  I get asked why her friends have Daddy's that live with them and she does not.  I get the good, the bad, and the very very ugly. 

My daughter is a tough cookie, let me tell you.  She puts on her brave face whenever she see her Dad.  When they happen, the visits and talks are so pleasant because she wants them to be.  She wants all the good memories to hold on to.  My Ex doesn't see the pain.  Third party family members - on both sides - don't see the pain.

At the end of the day, the single parent needs to believe that they are doing things right.  Not that we won't make mistakes, we all do.  But we cannot doubt ourselves.  Parenting is hard enough without placing doubt on our every move. I know, in my heart, that I am raising my daughter well.  I could be better, I could be stronger, but I love her unconditionally and I do everything I can to make her happy.

Third Party family members, well intended or not, need to step back, take a breathe, and count to 10.  A child is given to 2 people.  Those 2 people need to work together, come to decisions together, and have each other's back on those decisions.  Your feelings - third party individual, though valid - are not going to make the job of the parents any easier.  Our job is so hard already, that what we need most from you, is simply support, support, and more support!  Plus, a smidge more support! 💖

Beachbody's Happenings for June 2017

DO NOT MISS THIS!

Shaun T is at it again!  High intensity, sweat dripping, hardcore workout time is back.  Do NOT miss this!

And don't let the hardcore, high intensity scare you away!  This workout is for you, me, your mama, EVERYONE.

Shaun T is being Beachbody a full week of brand new workouts to get you feeling great for the summer. But even better, let's get together and get out bodies and minds set right for Shaun Week.

On June 9th, Beachbody coaches and customers everywhere will be joining in on a massive 3 Day Refresh.  Clean out your system, get your mind set and ready to get MOVING on June 12th!  You'll love it so muhc, that I'm sure you will stick around for the June 19th sneak peek of Beachbody's new program Shift Shop.  

All of these great opportunities leading our coaches right into our yearly Coach Summit in New Orleans.  The excitement is almost too much to handle!

Already working with a coach?  Tell them NOW that you need your 3 Day Refresh kit!

Need a coach?  Apply Here to join my next Accountability group!

Together we are Better!  Let me help you get there 💓

Hyperfixation...

Hyperfixation - an article I read on The Mighty dealt with Hyperfixation.  WTF is Hyperfixation?  It sounded appealing...

Lord-y be... I have such a love/hate relationship with labels. I feel that they divide people from the one true label "HUMAN," yet at the same time, I feel that they often give me a sense of understanding - not only for the world around me but for myself.

Take Hyperfixation for example. 

The short of it... it's me! 

The long of it... it's me!

I've never been teased - in a bullying sense - for my fixation on the many things I tend to obsess about, however, there is always that "things that make you go HM!" vibe I get from some people when I disappear to Amphipolis, or Pan-Am, or inside the TARDIS, and -of late- Stars Hollow. 

The obsessions run deep...

Was I depressed in HS when I decided my entire life would revolve around school, color guard, and Xena?! Perhaps. If I look back, most of my time was spent doing these 3 things. 

I didn't have the greatest friends (despite some of you being pure gold), I felt like I was walked on often, I never felt comfortable in my own skin, and I did everything I could to escape my reality.  Just a normal teen, right?!?!

Color guard was a place where I had power to be honest. I tried out for CG Capt. my Freshman year - that took balls! - having never before touched a flag. I didn't get it, and for good reason, but that is where my eyes were set! I ended up Capt. my Junior and Senior years.  #power  I absolutely LOVED CG. I was surrounded by amazing girls, my best friend, and we even welcomed some middle schoolers onto our team.  It was such a blessing to have this team during HS, when most of life is total Bullshit!

Xena was my escape for when I wasn't allowed to be at school or CG. I literally traveled ancient Greece and other ancient worlds with Xena and Gabrielle everyday, for years! I would come home and watch my VHS recorded tapes 😲 - yeah, let that sink in - on weekends it was a Friday night Herc and Xena double feature on the WB, Saturday, well don't you know I got my girl at noon AND 8pm! Then Sunday, you guested it, noon again! Xena was my very best friend. And embarrassing enough, when I met Lucy Lawless, I told her that. 😝

Senior year, my real life best friend and I started hanging out more. A car of my own helped in this area, and Xena was coming to an end. It seemed time to move on.  Enter, Nicole Kidman... Moulin Rouge was my hook.  After that, every movie was a MUST SEE!

Sadly, after graduation, rebellion is what I decided to focus on - I do NOT recommend this to anyone.  Drugs, Alcohol, Disobeying and BREAKING the heart of my mother became all too familiar.  This was short lived - thank GOD!  By the new year, I was working and trying to find my next move.

ATTENTION!  Yup, I was obsessed with joining the Army.  I signed on for 6 years.  Within my military life I became obsessed with Buffy and Dido while fighting in Iraq.  There was a toxic relationship that lasted 5 years too long (1 day was too long).  Then things turned bad, and I was obsessed with getting home.

The list goes one... 

Partying

Romance Novels by Karen Marie Moaning

The Hunger Games

Doctor Who

Buying books - that I have yet to read, but keep buying more 

Online learning (on-going still)

Gilmore Girls

Does this all play into my coping with depression?  I have NO CLUE!  But it sure does seem to be a - most of the time - healthy way to deal.  Partying and rebelling aside, I love my TV, Movies, and Books.  I love taking online classes to learn a little bit about a lot of things.  I enjoy my obsessions.  And if this is what is keeping my depression and anxiety in check... well, I'm okay with that! 

Do you know a Veteran?

I never noticed it before now...

I didn't think things like this affected me...

I did walked away with some scars...

Is this why?

I have no clue if this is a pattern of mine or not.  I don't keep a journal - though I probably should - to track behaviors and such.  But this year, Memorial Day is hitting me. 

Every year around this time, I think of 36 specific people.  Some I never met.  Some I knew in passing.  One I see in my head often.  And One was a great friend to MANY of my friends, though just an acquaintance to me...

These 36 people lost their lives.  They gave the ultimate sacrifice.

I am often thanked for my service around this time of year... I'm very against this.  Because I am always thinking of these 36 men and women... I'm remembering them...I'm wondering if they would have had children now, like I do, had they made it home safely. 

And then someone thanks me... Why?  Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have fallen. 

I'm not placing this definition here as a stuck up, "you're uneducated" dig.  There are MANY things I know not the meaning of.  But Memorial is a word I am FORCED to know.  

A "memorial" is usually a structure built to remember those who have passed.  Think of the Lincoln Memorial in DC, the Korean War Veteran Memorial, Vietnam Veterans Memorial - here, check out this site of Must-See Memorials.  "Memorials" are also events held to remember those who have passed.  It's always has to do with those who have, well, died.  It's not for the living.  

These 36 soldiers that the 3rd Brigade, 1st Infantry Division (BRO) lost, each had a memorial down-range.  I set them up.  I watched as friends, leaders, and civilian workers came in to say goodbye to the battlefield cross that was meant to represent their fallen comrade. 

This became an overwhelming obsession for me.  I had to set it up, check every line, dress right dress.  I had to set up the sound system, make sure everything worked, no feedback.  I had to play the music, I knew the cues, I knew exactly when everything needed to be played.  I didn't know these 36 soldiers personally, but I would be damned if their farewell was anything less than perfect!

I've blocked a lot of this away.  I image a tiny music box in my head where I hide all the awful things that I've seen.  That way, if I ever open it, I hear beautiful music and the awful is so scary.  But sometimes I forget to wind up the music box and the scary comes out...

Do you know a Veteran?  If so, hug them on Memorial Day because they may have a music box too.  They may have a number of people they are thinking about.  Don't thank them, just celebrate in remembering those that were lost.  

#GoSilent is sponsoring a Nationwide moment of silence.  Monday, May 29th, from 3:00pm-3:01pm, go silent to remember those who paid the ultimate sacrifice and gave us our freedom.

Growth and Understanding

Yesterday, when I saw this picture on FB, I thought how amazing the outlook of this man towards his wife.

"Men are so worried that marriage will leave them with 'only one woman' for the rest of their lives.  That's simply not true.  I fell in love with a 19 year-old rock climber, married a 20 year-old animal lover, started a family with a 24 year-old mother, then built a farm with a 25 year-old homemaker, and today I'm married to a 27 year-old woman of wisdom.  If you're mind is healthy, you'll never get tired of "one woman."  You'll actually become overwhelmed with how many beautiful version of her you get to marry over the years.  Don't say no to marriage, say yes and keep saying yes until the day you die.  #DaleyWisdom."

This man knows what is up!  Flipping the scenario around, I personally never thought that it was a burden to be with "one man."  When I was younger, I was filled with excitement about "the one."  I couldn't wait to meet him!  I couldn't wait to find out who God put on this Earth just for me.

Then I got older, and I got hurt.  And then I got hurt again. And then I got hurt again.  The excitement of meeting "the one" is cloaked in fear of getting hurt again.  As well as, my daughter getting hurt in the process.  Fear kills all hope.

When fear paralyzes you, it's time to grow and understand on a personal level so that when you meet a man who's interested in be "the one" you and he can grow and understand together.

Almost every day I am reminded why my marriage didn't work out.  I can be in pain, upset, down.  I share this vulnerability with my ex, half out of habit and half out of not having someone else available.  My pain is never met with empathy, it's never met with understanding.  Literally speaking to him makes me feel about 1,000 times worse 90% of the time.

This is totally self-abuse.  I know the outcome will NOT be what I am looking for.  But as the bible says about forgiveness - not 7 times but 77 times - meaning that we are to forgive... ALWAYS.  And my turning to someone who I know will not be there for me, is, I guess, my way of forgiving and giving him another chance.  And this is where I will welcome the wisdom of the Dalai Lama -

Forgiveness doesn't mean forget what happened... if something is serious and it is necessary to take counter-measures, you have to take counter-measures.

 I can forgive for my own personal well being... I can never forget the pain that was caused... my counter-measure is to simply take care of myself from now on.

It's important for me to find a man like the one who shared such wisdom in his post.  Women grow and develop, we change, we evolve.  Learn us, Love us, Laugh with us!

Single Motherhood is hard. But this is harder...

When Lily's dad and I started dating, it wasn't a 1 guy deal.  He came as a package, and I knew there would soon be another littler man in our lives from day one.  I had to really think about what I was stepping into.  There was a family element in his life already and I needed to me 100% that I wanted to be a part of that. 

I needed to quickly...

• How to respect the boundaries that the mother put in place
• How to love and take care of a child that was not mine
• How to create a home that this little boy could walk into and not only feel welcomed but as though it was HIS
• How to give Zech and this boy space to develop their relationship

All of this while I was just started a relationship with Zech myself...

I was shocked at how easy it was for me... this role of step-mother.  We all know the stories - Chinderella anyone? - and the last thing I wanted was to be "The Evil Step-Mother."  It's important that children know the people in their lives love them.  This little boy was going to be in our home, he was a part of our lives, and I needed to be a welcomed member into HIS family.

That was the easy part.  Falling in love with this little boy.  Allowing him to steal a piece of my heart for all time, actually brought me great joy.

The tough part?  The tough part is today.  Today I could walk up to this boy and he wouldn't know me.  He may have a vague memory, "oh yeah, that's Lily's mom" - but that's only if he remembers Lily.

For some people, divorce brings peace.  It gives them their identity back and it frees them from a situation they felt trapped in.  For me, divorce has brought me nothing but heartache.  I may have been freed from not-so-good relationship, but I lost my [step]SON. 

It's a little empty when they are gone.  You miss them.  You cry when you think about them, or when someone brings them up.  Luckily,  do still get to hear about him, but it hurts to listen to stories or to hear about events you weren't are won't be a part of.

This little boy still has a piece of my heart.  I just hope that one day, he remembers it's there and smiles knowing how much he was (IS) loved!!

Passion Project... Regular Gal

 

For almost 2 months now, I have been working on a passion project of mine - Regular Gal Co.  

Every see those FB ads for tank tops, maybe a represent campaign has come across your feed with a shirt you MUST have.  Well, when I see these ads and posts, I not only MUST have the shirts, but I MUST make them!

So... I've decided to do just that.  Sometimes I see a phrase I love, but I'm not a fan of the font the designer used, so I change the font and make it my own.  I'm hoping that the better I get at Photoshop, the better I get at making my own designs.  And in time, I'm planning on creating custom designs so that YOU can have exactly what you want.

All the plans!

I've have a number of problem throughout this process, but that is all a part of great success!  If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it.

So please, join me May 8th for my Launch of The Regular Gal Clothing Shop! I'm hope you will love it as much as I do!

Facebook Page - Regular Gal Co.
Regular Gal Shop - Regular Gal Co.

My 3 Day Refresh Experience...

Beachbody's 3-Day Refresh is a program I have tried multiple times.  I'm starting to get the feeling I am just not cut out for the cleanse life.

Don't get me wrong!  I LOVE Beachbody and ALL of their products, but I'm just not in a place where I can focus on this particular program yet.

The results people get from this program are amazing...  Just check out the Beachbody Blog for results!


I'm a believer in having the right mindset for all things you want to accomplish.  With the 3-Day Refresh, I never have the right mindset going in.  I've not done enough research on "cleanses" as a whole.  I know they are beneficial, but WHY?!

Yes, I want to detoxify my body.
Yes, I want to give my system a kickstart of clean, raw foods.
Yes, I want to feel my best.

The part that stops me... Can't I do this while eating a full-sized, well-portioned meal?

Yes, Yes I can!

So this is what happens.  Because I have the MINDSET that I can achieve this kickstart, detox with a clean diet of "regular" meals, I find myself "starving" more than this program should make you feel. 

There is also the boredom... Do you eat when you are bored too?  It's pretty terrible for me.  So when I decide to take on a program like this, I don't succeed because I haven't prepared myself to undergo everything it entails.

What we often forget is to start at the beginning!  Read these question below and ask yourself what YOUR answers are..Be honest with yourself!

What are our "bad" habits with food?
WHY do we have these habits?
Is this a habit something I am willing to change? - GREAT question here.
What will changing this habit to for me?
Am I ready to make this change?

Once you've asked yourself these questions and you have REALLY been honest with yourself, you are ready to TAKE ON THE WORLD!  But you can start with the 3-Day Refresh! 

Personally, I haven't been honest with myself when asking these questions... If I can be honest with you, I'm not ready to make the change I need to start this program.  It may just be 3-Days, it may seem easy, but MINDSET is the pillar that MUST be in the right spot for success to prevail.

I'm not mad that I failed, I'm not defeated, and I'm not giving up.

I know what I need to do, so now it's about getting my mindset where it needs to be!  This 3-Day Refresh is my CHALLENGE...  CHALLENGE accepted!

Marriage, Divorce, and the "ugly" aftermath.

I had posted this on Facebook and wanted to share here as well.  This may sound a little Dear Diary-like, but I'm a firm believer in getting your feelings out, rather than holding them in.  Maybe my struggle can help someone else in a similar situation... 
It can be difficult, this after divorce/co-parenting life.  It's even harder when 3rd parties butt in...

When you decide to spend your life with someone, NOT being with them isn't ever part of the story.

My ex and I, though things didn't work out in the end, MUST be friends. We share a child. We are a family for as long as she lives and breathes. And I'm looking at, at least, 100 years right there.

So... It's painful when someone tries to come between that. It's painful when I'm expected to be a different person to please someone else. It's painful to see how EVERYTHING negative affects my child.

All I can do, all anyone can do, is LIVE THEIR OWN TRUTH. Be your authentic self!

I've spent months with my therapist working on identifying MY feelings verses the feelings of others that I take on. I have learned to be unapologetically ME! And I look forward to teaching my daughter to be the same way.

Let your truth shine through even when others try to cast a cloud over you. Their insecurities need not infect your love tank! Stay positive, stay humble, live joyfully.

If you happen to be a cloud caster... please rethink your intentions.
💔Will you hurt someone...maybe a child...with the words you say by way of the actions that follow? 💔Will your actions create a rift where the child desires to see friendship? 💔Is ugly really the truth you want to give to the world?

My belief is that cloud casters don't intend to be this way. I believe in my heart that harmony is desired by all 7 billion humans on the planet. But, as I totally get, our emotions sometimes take over.

When I made the decision to divorce my husband and to ultimately take away Daddy/Daughter time from my child, I did NOT do it lightly.  But I had to look to the light, to the positive that could come to us once this decision was final.

I needed to understand what would eventually happen.  My ex would meet someone new.  What did this mean for our family?  I chose to see the good.  This meant that maybe I would have a new friend!  That's always a plus.  Maybe we would even be best friends, who knows.  Lily would have another "Aunt" figure in her life.  One more person loving your child can't be bad.  My ex would have hopefully found his match.  Because all we really want is to see those we loved and lost be happy! 

The good was looking really good.  And THAT is what made my decision easier.  Not possible - it was happening regardless - but easier indeed!

Sadly, this is not what the divorce brought into my life.  The divorce brought back and forth "what ifs" and second, third, fourth chances that only ended in heartache for me and my daughter.  It's brought a constant struggle to build a friendship with my ex because every step forward is met with angry from a third party, taking us 2 steps back.  It's KNOWING my ex, KNOWING his games, having to put up with those games while STILL he swears he's a loyal and faithful companion to "who he is with."  <-------- Hence our divorce...

However, with all the pain this divorce causes me... with all the struggles I still have to face... with all the games that are still being played...  I still have hope.

The future I pictured will never happen.  There's too much pain involved, and honestly, my pride has been hurt enough and I won't set myself up for that sort of abuse again.  But I AM HOPEFUL...

🌺Hopeful for a friendship
🌺Hopeful for that "storybook" Daddy/Daughter relationship for my girl
🌺Hopeful that egos will subside and life can go on in harmony
🌺Hopeful that Lily has such a resilience to all of this that I look at her in awe!

THE most important thing in all of this is protecting my daughter.  Seeing that she gets quality time with her father, regardless of anyone's actions or emotions (mine included).  It is HER that is the priority in my life.  Anyone who wants to stand in the way of her happiness will be met with fierce resistance and anger.  #CanWeSayMamaBear

So please, if you are in a situation like me, Cross your heart and Give it to God.  Worry not for HE will provide.  God Bless!

Body Beast...going Strong! But I am still struggling with...

Body Beast is quickly becoming MY FAVORITE PROGRAM!

I'm loving the lifting, I'm loving the ISO-days (where I'm working out only 1 body part), I'm loving the progression I am seeing in the weight I can lift, and I'm loving that these workouts are not something I dread!

However, with all the things that I LOVE LOVE LOVE, I am still struggling with the nutrition.  I'm not sure WHY this is such a struggle for me, but Lord knows I'm trying to figure it out.

So far:

🌷Meal planning has become easier; thank you pinterest.
🌷Meal prep... Not my forte... I know it is SUPER important to do!  Totally makes life easier and healthy meals are right there, ready to eat...  Have you eaten 3 day old chicken?  😖
🌷I don't always stick to my plan - This is where I really get stuck.  If I'm taking the time to write out a plan, I need to stick to it. 
   Tell me, has this happened to you?  Have you been so ready to eat your planned meal and then a pizza is delivered (not magically but bc your family ordered it)?  Have you ever been out and wanted to stop and enjoy a snack with you kid, but she doesn't like salad, so you go get Fro-Yo instead?  Oh no...not the  movie theater... popcorn, candy, pretzels, NACHOS! 
⬆️
This right here is where we need to be STRONG!  This is where we need to remember the HOURS we are putting in to build our bodies to be powerful.  This is where our MINDS need to be strong!

This is also the hard part because we are programed by society to "Treat yo'self" or "Carpe Diem" or "YOLO"...  Yes, all of that is true.  All work and no play WILL make Jane (or Katie) a very DULL girl!  But treating yourself doesn't mean indulging in every opportunity to do so. 

Another good option - for me at least - is to start getting Lily away from the processed food.  I know if I was able to "fix" her diet, then I wouldn't have the junk food around, and this I wouldn't indulge.  And yes - I know she's 5 and I can just take the junk food away - or can I?!  Have you lived with a 5 year old?  LOL. Have you lived with MY 5 year old?  That's a topic for another blog.  😂

This being said, I've decided to get a little help by paying it forward!

I'm hosting a FREE 5 day clean eating group next week (April 3rd) to help others get in the know, and to get US into the HABIT of clean eating!

I'd love for you to join me, just click here on my FB event invite and click GOING!  I will be in touch and we can get started supporting each other on this journey!

#YouDontHaveToStuggleAlone

~ Meal Planning - Not always easy, but Always necessary ~

~Failing to plan is planning to fail~ 

The most successful way to succeed at changing your nutrition lifestyle is to have a plan!  Meal planning can be overwhelming *see picture above*, but once you get the hang of it, it's rewarding and becomes easy.  It can even get to be a little fun when you start incorporating new meals you've never tried before.

For starters though, let's take it one step at a time:

1. Know your calorie bracket!  This is a very important part of meal planning.  If you don't know HOW MUCH you should eat, then you can't start picking out your menu.  Portion Fix & the Fixate Cookbook are great resources to help you dial in your nutrition!
• I personally like to count colors instead of calories using the above tools!
• Calorie Brackets can range from 1200-1499 to 2500-2800.  
• Take a look at the bottom of this log for a sample of how to calculate your calories/colors needed!
2. Keep in mind the food you already eat!  Love burgers and fries?  Go for some Lean Turkey meat for your burger with Fixate Ketchup, tomato and onion on a Romaine Lettuce "bun."  Go old school and cut up some sweet potatoes and bake homemade fries!  There are clean recipes all over Pinterest for you favorite foods.  The resources are endless.
3. Plug in meals to your menu!  Once you have a handful of meals you're ready to plug into your menu, it's time to plan out your week.  I like to go day by day, with repeating days!

• Here's and example of my upcoming week.  Day 1 & 2 will be repeated throughout the week (M-F and 1 weekend day), with Day 3 to be used on a weekend day for various weeks.
• When you are first starting out, planning like this can be helpful since there's not a whole 7 days that need different meals.  Left overs won't go to waste!
4. Watch the serving sizes!  I'm notorious for making an amazing dish that ends up feeding a small Army... when I'm only cooking for 1 - in my head!  Also, if you mess up the servings size and end up eating 2 servings, it will count against your calories/colors twice!  
5. GO SHOPPING!  Once your menu is plugged in, write out your shopping list, and go shopping.  It's best to shop maybe 2 or 3 times a week, especially if you are getting a lot of produce products.
• If you have Beachbody on Demand, check out the Fixate cooking show.  Not only is there a demonstration on how to cook the meal, but there's a downloadable recipe & shopping list!
6. Meal Prep!  Now that we've meal planned it's time to meal prep!  Take the pieces of your meals that you can cook/bake/prepare in advance and get this done in 1 day!  For example: Tomato sauce can be made in large batches and stored, even frozen!

Remember, meal planning take time to master.  But mastering it is TOTALLY doable!  If you need more resources to make the journey easier, check out my Pinterest Board just for meal planning!  You can always head over to my Facebook Page and send me a quick message with any questions you may have - if I don't know the answer, I can sure help you find it 😊 

Do you suffer from depression too?

Earlier this week, I wrote a post on my FB page ...

I felt really good that day!  I feel really good today too!

Depression is a sneaky bitch.  She comes up on ya all slow, may even say a quick "Sup Girl" and walk away... but she's always behind your back just out of view. 

My post mentioned a job position that I thought I had landed - the company legit offered me the job and NEVER called back!  I didn't realize it then, but it sent me into a fit of depression. 

When I saw this job ad, I thought that doing something for me and for the betterment of puppies would be a feel good addition to my day... Yes!  My job would have been to take care of, play with, groom, and clean up puppies! 

Do you see why I was so upset about not getting a call back?

It still urks me that I don't know WHY they didn't call.  Part of me wants to go into their store and ask, but I spoke to so many different people that I'm not sure who to even ask for!

The depression had me good this time... I wasn't even aware that she had me hostage!  I started falling back into old patterns... JUNK FOOD! Games on my phone, binge watching SO MUCH tv, and even ignoring my Little One 😢.  

Thankfully, Lily's competition season was coming up - FAST!  I needed to refocus my energy to her, getting her things prepared, and getting her to the venue ready to dance...

Did I mention Lily's never danced in a Competition before?  This was her first ever, so our nerves were on overdrive!

She did AMAZING!!

If you know anything about dance, you know the scoring is a little hard to keep up with at first...

Photo Credit: Addison Makenzie Photography

~Lily's small group won 1st Place, High Gold & 5th Overall!

~Photogenic age 3-5 also got Lily a 1st Place Gold

I couldn't be more proud of my babygirl!

And so thankful to her love for dance!  If Lily didn't have a competition last weekend, who knows if I would have been jolted out of my depression or not. 

It's hard, but I have to be more self-aware of when the sneaky depression bitch pops up again.  Wearing a mask of past comforts to lure me into her trap.  I'm also back at therapy, so that is always a plus!

It's tough this thing we suffer with.  It's tough when we get stuck, sometimes not knowing how to get out.  It's tough going through the process sometimes.

But, you know what else is tough?!

WE ARE!

We are Badasses!  (Check out this book!). We how the power inside of us to overcome... and I believe in you 😉

Negative Self-Talk...why won't it stop?

As I was looking through my email today I noticed something interesting... I subscribe to almost every motivational, inspiring, positive mailing list I come across!

For real, my inbox is filled with them.  But my brain still attacks itself.  My thoughts shoot to the negative aspect before the positive.  I have no issues with telling other that a positive life is the best life.  Yet, practicing what I preach is like pulling teeth... from a lion!  I just can't get the negative talk to go away.

Don't get me wrong... I've been able to purposely include positivity in my thoughts; it's the unconscious nagging of that little devil on my shoulder that won't shut it's mouth. 

There is a fix, and trust, I have an abundance of belief that this fix WORKS!  Not because I have felt it, or seen it, but because every successful person (Mailing list/FB "friend) I've welcomed into my life this past year or so says the same thing...

AFFIRMATIONS!

I've even seen young girls in their bathroom mirrors telling themselves how f'n fantastic they are!  So why, if a 4 year old can do it, is it so damn hard for me to look in a mirror and say, "I believe in you."

Because the self-doubt and low self-esteem run deep, and the negative talk has gone on for a LONG time.  Change is not easy.  I hate the idea of changing my car, let alone changing my BRAIN!  When I look back at my life, I can see where these negative thoughts came from.  I can feel the feelings I felt then - the pain, the disappointment, the struggle to stay "me."  I truly, honestly, do not remember being who I am today, or wanting to become who I am today.

I'm not a horrible person.  I love life and am blessed everyday to wake up, I love my daughter and the fact that she always makes me laugh, but there's little else that I feel.  It all gets aimed back inside, wrestles around for a while and shoots out as anger.  Along the line, I lost who I wanted to be.  I forgot that MY life was about me and my dreams, and that I am the scribe!

That's where the negative talk sneaks in.  When you're vulnerable, when you are looking, and when you feel off but your brain THINKS everything is okay.  This is why AFFIRMATIONS are so important!  Affirmations keep us thinking positive.  I give you permission to be selfish.  Start with affirmations about you.  I will too!  Now think.  What is a negative thing you tell yourself everyday.

Me?  Just one?

"God damn, these scars are ugly."

Can you even see my acne issue?  It's along my jawline.  I see this every time I look in the mirror, obviously.  But what does me NO good is thinking "I'm ugly."  All that does is tell my subconscious that "I am ugly - Truth."  That's so not true!  I've a beautiful woman.  I have beautiful blue eyes and a killer smile... but all I see is are the handful of acne spots/scars that I happen to have.

So, I've decided!  From now on, I will see MY EYES first.  I love my eyes, always have.  From now on when I look in the mirror, I will look at my eyes, compliment myself and refuse to focus on my acne.

Do you believe in the power of attraction?  This could be a whole other blog, but for now, it basically works like this.  I would tell myself, "I have the clearest and smoothest skin!"  I would have to believe this, feel this, and it doesn't hurt to turn it into a daily affirmation!  After repeating this over and over, and coming to truly believe I have the clearest and smoothest skin, it would come to pass!

It's just as easy for me to tell myself I am BEAUTIFUL as it is to tell myself that I am ugly.  It's a matter of picking the one you want to believe in.  It's hard work to change, but I believe that at the end of it all, the work is well worth it!