It can be difficult, this after divorce/co-parenting life. It's even harder when 3rd parties butt in...
When you decide to spend your life with someone, NOT being with them isn't ever part of the story.
My ex and I, though things didn't work out in the end, MUST be friends. We share a child. We are a family for as long as she lives and breathes. And I'm looking at, at least, 100 years right there.
So... It's painful when someone tries to come between that. It's painful when I'm expected to be a different person to please someone else. It's painful to see how EVERYTHING negative affects my child.
All I can do, all anyone can do, is LIVE THEIR OWN TRUTH. Be your authentic self!
I've spent months with my therapist working on identifying MY feelings verses the feelings of others that I take on. I have learned to be unapologetically ME! And I look forward to teaching my daughter to be the same way.
Let your truth shine through even when others try to cast a cloud over you. Their insecurities need not infect your love tank! Stay positive, stay humble, live joyfully.
If you happen to be a cloud caster... please rethink your intentions.
💔Will you hurt someone...maybe a child...with the words you say by way of the actions that follow? 💔Will your actions create a rift where the child desires to see friendship? 💔Is ugly really the truth you want to give to the world? My belief is that cloud casters don't intend to be this way. I believe in my heart that harmony is desired by all 7 billion humans on the planet. But, as I totally get, our emotions sometimes take over.
When I made the decision to divorce my husband and to ultimately take away Daddy/Daughter time from my child, I did NOT do it lightly. But I had to look to the light, to the positive that could come to us once this decision was final.
I needed to understand what would eventually happen. My ex would meet someone new. What did this mean for our family? I chose to see the good. This meant that maybe I would have a new friend! That's always a plus. Maybe we would even be best friends, who knows. Lily would have another "Aunt" figure in her life. One more person loving your child can't be bad. My ex would have hopefully found his match. Because all we really want is to see those we loved and lost be happy!
The good was looking really good. And THAT is what made my decision easier. Not possible - it was happening regardless - but easier indeed!
Sadly, this is not what the divorce brought into my life. The divorce brought back and forth "what ifs" and second, third, fourth chances that only ended in heartache for me and my daughter. It's brought a constant struggle to build a friendship with my ex because every step forward is met with angry from a third party, taking us 2 steps back. It's KNOWING my ex, KNOWING his games, having to put up with those games while STILL he swears he's a loyal and faithful companion to "who he is with." <-------- Hence our divorce...
However, with all the pain this divorce causes me... with all the struggles I still have to face... with all the games that are still being played... I still have hope.
The future I pictured will never happen. There's too much pain involved, and honestly, my pride has been hurt enough and I won't set myself up for that sort of abuse again. But I AM HOPEFUL...
🌺Hopeful for a friendship
🌺Hopeful for that "storybook" Daddy/Daughter relationship for my girl
🌺Hopeful that egos will subside and life can go on in harmony
🌺Hopeful that Lily has such a resilience to all of this that I look at her in awe!
THE most important thing in all of this is protecting my daughter. Seeing that she gets quality time with her father, regardless of anyone's actions or emotions (mine included). It is HER that is the priority in my life. Anyone who wants to stand in the way of her happiness will be met with fierce resistance and anger. #CanWeSayMamaBear
So please, if you are in a situation like me, Cross your heart and Give it to God. Worry not for HE will provide. God Bless!
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